Crane and Viper go to Vegas
by Predsfan
Summary: Crane and Viper go to Vegas for some time away. Full of romance, anger and drinking. Vain. Last chapter is up. It sucks.
1. Airport

Crane and Viper go to Los Vegas Its my shortly awaited story following the Kung Fu Internet, So you could guess what its about. Any witch rated T for Language and sexual references and maybe nudity...MAYBE, In that cause it will rise to M.

--

"I hate airport security" Crane said waiting in line with Viper for check up. It was right after there whole downloading ordeal, which if it wasn't for Monkey man-whoring him self they still be there in the jade palace.

"Yea its really nerves having that Arab guy standing right next to us" Viper said keeping her voice in a whisper tone.

"Thats such a stereotype you know, you should be more tolerant" Crane said looking disappointed at his friend.

"No I mean he really has a bomb on him" Viper said pointing at the bomb.

"Oh shit your right" Crane said trying not to draw attention.

"Ok I have an idea but its vary dangerous" Viper said with a grin on her face.

After a few minutes of whispering and not much else Crane and Viper nodded at each other in agreement.

"Got it, lets get it started" Crane said preparing himself.

"OH my god he has a bomb!!"Viper said pointing at the Arab Camel (DONT FLAME ME).

"Ill save all of you!" Crane said beating up the camel who's name was in fact Camel. P.S he also grabbed the bomb.

After all was said and done Crane and Viper were given metals witch in the end had to give back to airport security because they were thinking they were weapons. But before that something like this happened.

"Sir I'm going to have to strip search you and your girlfriend" A Security guard said.

"But we don't wear much clothing"Crane said looking at the funny man who was a Rhino witch this info is not really needed.

"Take off your shit!" The Rhino said shaking his pepper spray about ready to get Crane.

"Ok but all I have is this funny hat, and all she have is are Lil flowers on her head" Crane said in a panic.

All of a sudden MR.Kutcher comes out of the back round.

"YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D" The annoying bastard said.

And for some reason instead of crying and shit, Crane and Viper laughed and said they in fact just got Punk'd.

Now they are on the air plane and this is were I'm going to stop writing.

--

Guess what the next chap will be about... Review and I'll post it. The next chap will be about there fun on the airplane.


	2. Airplane and Sneaking out

Chapter 2 of my wonderfully fun story. Ok the story so far is them on the airplane and Lots of funny things happen. I might introduce Tai LungxTigress in the next chap but for now just roll with me. In any case enjoy. The first 3 chaps are going to be real shot, the reason is because there not in Vegas yet.

--

Crane look around the plane. After the whole pointless ordeal with the terrorist they were ready to enjoy there 16 hour flight the the U.S. After about 10 minutes of finding there sit they started arguing over who gets the window.

"I get the window because I'm taller" Crane said keeping his voice down.

"Well I'm a lady" Viper said trying to sit herself on the inside window.

"What does that have to do with anything" Crane exclaimed as he throw Viper out of his spot.

"Ill make you a deal" Viper said as she stop wrestling with Crane.

"What kind of deal?" Crane said looking at Viper.

"A sexy deal" Viper said trying to seduce her friend into giving her the spot.

"What king of sexy deal?" Crane said buying into it.

"A _Very _sexy deal" Viper finished as she sat down.

After about 10 more minutes more people were boarding and unfortunately Crane and Viper had to sit next to the people who never flew before and like shit there pants every time the plane moves. Anyways Crane and Viper had the guts to move for another seat to avoid smelling like shit.

"Theres a seat right over here" Crane said as he sat down in the comfy chair.

"What movies are playing I'm board" Viper said whining to her friend.

"Mr.Bean" Crane said without emotion.

"Never mind then that movie sucks" Viper said taking off the headphones.

After The movie was over they still had 14H and 30Ms of flying left and I spy didn't really help it only burned 10 minutes.

"Screw this, I'm just going to fast forward!" Crane yelled as he grabbed his universal remote

"That could destroy time and space" Viper said as Crane hit the mute and fast forward button.

Mean While...OoOoOoOoOoO

"Were are you going?" Shifu said as Tigress walked out the door.

"Um, Nowhere" Tigress said scared and shock that someone noticed her.

"Your going to visit Tai Lung again aren't you?" Shifu already know the answear.

"Maybe" Tigress said with a frown.

All of a sudden Po jumed out screaming at Tigress. Who had no Idea what was going on.

"Don't lie or Master Shifu will have to punish me!" Po yelled, witch Tigress walked in on Master Shifu "Punishing" Po with a board to the ass.

"I'll do what ever the hell I want I'm 24 years old" Tigress said as she stormed out the door.

After using her universal remote she found herself in Tai Lung's new prison. It was a clean prison but not really a prison more of a get well thing. Plus Tai Lung is getting out on good behavior.

--

Chap 2 was a bit longer then the other one and chap 3 should be longer PLZ Review.


	3. Getting off

It was a rainy day in vegas the sun wasn't shining the birds didn't chirp. Crane and Viper watched as the plane land. After about 5 Minutes of them watching it land they decided to share each others list.

"So what do you want to do first love?"Viper said as they got outside.

"Did you just call me love?"Crane said as he walked to there hotel were they would be staying for they next few days.

"Yes if people thing were a couple less of a change ill get raped"Viper said as she followed.

"Smart"Crane said as Viper nodded in agreement.

"OK lets see are list for what we're going to do here"Viper said pulling out her 5 page long list.

"Mines not that good" Crane said pulling out the sticky note that made that of his list.

"Well I hoped we could see a movie,go to some Los Vegas Parks.."Viper said but Crane just blocked out the rest looking at his list:

1.Get hammered

2.Get laid with viper

"Are you hearing me?"Viper said snapping Crane out of his fantasy thinking.

"Yes" Crane said looking at how much ground they covered.

"We're here"Crane said looking at the hotel which was nice.

After checking in with the hotel manager and the rain kinda picked up a little bit so they had to stay inside for the rest of the day.

"So wana hit the mini bar?" Viper said as she was laying on her bed.

"Sure lets go" Crane said as his graped his wallet.


	4. Snake job

* * *

Hello sorry about the down time my computer was slammed in the butt by viruses. Any way enjoy, p.s the rest of the chapters will probably be only 300 words or more all the way up to a 1000. Review... thats what all the cool kids are doing.

OoOoooOooooooOoOOoooOO

Crane look around walking into the bar to see a few really hammered people. Viper on the other hand had to slither in just to see a karaoke stand on the bar and a few really bad singers. After getting use to the surroundings they decided to take a set near on the stools. After ordering there drinks they had to set some ground rules for the night.

"Ok rule one no rape unless you use birth control" Crane said taking a sip from his martini.

"Rule two no one else can hit on use so if anyone hits on the other we have to kick ass" Viper said looking at her drink then looking back up at Crane"Ok rule three no raping me unless you use a condom" Viper said as she took a drink.

4-5 Drinks later:

Now by this time they are pretty drunk and very very tried, but something had Viper eyes it was the karaoke machine.

"Crane why don't you sing?, your good at it" Viper said as slithered over to the Machine.

"Next up, anyone!?" The bartender yelled as his walked up the karaoke stand

"If you sing I'll give you a snake job" Viper said hastily. Crane thought of It a bit.

"That sounds a little painfull" Crane said a little unsure of what it was.

"Oh no it feels good"Viper said

"I'll do it!" Crane yelled getting up from his seat.

40 seconds later

"Ok for the first song I will sing about a good friend of mine" Crane said as he graped the microphone

(Lifehouse-haging by a moment belongs to those who wrote the song)

_Desperate for changing Starving for truth I'm closer to where I started Chasing after you I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
_

To Viper's supprise he was singing on key perfectly even thoug he was drunk and what not, and also she enjoyed it a good bit.

_  
Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me now..._

I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose  
There's nothing else to find  
There's nothing in the world  
That can change my mind  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth  
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you...

I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)  
Hanging by a moment (here with you)  
Hanging by a moment here with you 

Crane finished walking down the ramp looking for viper they decided to go back to there apartment.

* * *

There we go next chap might be longer and Review if you want to keep you reproductive organ.


	5. To much detail

Chapter 5 of CAVTOV thats one hell of an what you call is abbreviation right? Yea

waking up from the previous night in the shitty 2 star hotel room.

"What the hell did we do last night" Viper said with her Eyes wide open.

"I have no Idea"Crane said rubbing his head.

"All I know is I have white feather in my mouth and I smell like sweat, anger and guilt and *Smells breath* Seaman" Viper finished up looking at crane like WTF BFF.

"I ll get the rape kit hold on" Crane said getting up to find out he himself was naked.

"I think I know who I had sex with last night" Viper said with a smile.

"YOU DO!" crap Crane thought as his looked for the nearest exit with was the laundry shoot.

"Yea that Leopard girl was eye ballin me last night I think I was really really really drunk, came back and had sweet lez sex while you were sleeping" Viper said so sure of her smug little self.

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Thats what happen I mean I'd never have sex with you" Crane said with an I just didn't get caught raping my best friend while she was drunk, which really was not rape cuz she screamed my name so loud in my ear I couldn't hold it in and like bush never pulled out and she could be pregnant with my shitface baby and I am like a stereotypical black father and I never pay for child support and shit but we will get married anyway and I ll leave her for some hot younger tail and then our kids will be messed up put Ill never see them again because I live with my hot younger wife tone........... which sounds like I just got off the hook kind of tone.

"That never explained why my mouth smells like seaman" Viper said with a whats that suppose to mean kinda tone.

"Maybe I had a wet dream and you fell asleep on it, you ever think of that?" Crane said with a smile.

"Maybe..." Viper said

" I am going to go buy some pot down by the street corner" Crane said walking out off the room well to go buy pot.

Few seconds later....

"Finally now I can finally play my Xbox without have to share heheehehehehehheheheeh" Viper said play Mass effect or how I like to call it "Massive sex" HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEEHEHEEHE

I am the mean lean updating machine tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the updating I had other things to do like that are way more important then this, like its not even funny I should be doing school work but I am not. This might go rated M like the rest of my stories or I wish there was something between T and M like T+, PS this chap will be written really badly.

Viper was on the ground playing xbox 360 while crane was on the computer looking at his favorite porn website.

"Crane I need you to look up some cheat codes" Viper said getting off the ground of the hotel room.

"One sec let me Finnish" Crane said real quick like.

"Ok done "

"What were you doing?"

"Oh you know what I always do alone in my room at the jade palace"

"Jack off" Viper said with a disgusted look on her face.

"No you sick freak draw naked pictures of you, of course I jack off theres only 2 women in the whole valley who are not rabbits or fat, one a bitch the other a total slut" Crane said about to yell.

"what about mei ling?"

"She has fricken A.I.D.S or trust me I would be taping that and you for like a week straight."

"Yea so would I" Viper said daydreaming about mei lings hot body.

"What you say?"

"Nothing"

"How bout instead of codes we look up porn pictures of our self's" Viper suggested.

"To ychan" Crane said

"No that's down I checked yesterday"

"fchan?" Crane suggested.

"yea if you want to spend for ever looking for straight porn."

"Why don't we just have sex and post the video on youtube?"

"Oh that's dirty" Viper said looking in cranes eyes "LETS DO IT"

Yea short I know but funny in the sick sort of way. I got board around the end.


	7. This is the m rated one

* * *

This story has become more of a burden that a joy to write. So chaps are really short.

Crane woke up in the hotels bed with Viper right next to him, who was smoking a cig.

"So how was last night baby?" Crane asked In a trying to be sexy tone.

"Small and unsatisfying" Viper said slithering out of bed "The Xbox controllers vibration gave me more pleasure"

"Ow" Crane crawled out of bed and got his pants on and found a insult to Viper.

"Well you know what?" Crane said

"What?" Viper said in an annoyed tone.

"Your about as tight as an air strip, and you have no boobs." Crane said running out of the building laughing.

Viper now had to go look for Crane and after 20 minutes of looking she found him in a bar right a crossed the street from the hotel. A drunken Crane sat alone in a bar stool, staring at his drink.

"Hey there buddy" Viper said slithering on to the bar stool next to him.

"Hey" Crane responded like a five year old whining.

(It gets really fucked up here This is why it be rated M now.)

"Hey look I'm sorry about what I said, Your dick is actually quite big" Viper said holding cranes wings.

"You means its???"

"Yeah" Viper said (Just so you know whos talking)

"Well your, you know, Isn't that lose." Crane said smiling back at Viper.

"And what about my breast?" Viper said smiling back at Crane.

"You could use some surgery" Crane said as he pick viper.

"Ok, Fine lets go get ice cream now" Viper said snuggling up with Crane.

"YAY ICE CREAM"

* * *

This was written in like 10 minutes.


	8. Mabye last chap

* * *

Maybe the last chapter idk. I might work on Kung fu internet (the original) agian. This is what happened to me after I found out MJ died. so replace Crane with me.

o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0

Crane walked passed a window filled with t.v's to hear the following.

"Michael jackson has died"

Crane could'nt belive it. Not honestly caring much for he did not care really for MJ and thought he was a child molester, Crane decided to think of funny MJ jokes and think about all the funny MJ parodys he would find on and youtube, a funny joke jumped in his head right away, when he got back to he hotel he would ask viper,"Hey you know they made a Michael Jackson lego set?", And she would be all like "why", and he would be all like "So little boys can play with him for a change". Crane lmfao with that funny joke when he got a text message on his cell phone.

Mantis:MJ dead :(

Crane:yeah i saw it on teh news

Crane got yet another text.

Monkey:MJ was da bomb :( and his dead

Crane:mantis just told me that lol

and again.

Mei Ling:MJ dead sadface

Crane:we broke up like 10 years ago bitch stop texting me and its :(

Viper decided to call crane from the hotel.

Cranes voicemail: Hello you have reached crane if this is an actual call press one, if it is MJ related press two.

Viper pressed two which sent Crane phone into speaker mode.

Crane: um yeah fuck you MJ fans, I can't live with being called every five seconds to be reminded that MJ is dead.

*Gunshot*.

Its one in the morning, I r tired and want to get something updated. not spell checked so ignore it.


	9. Last Chapter

Last chapter Yeah. And yes the end of this story was rushed on the pretense that this became a chore to want to update as opposed to other stories.

Back in the Vally of Peace, Sitting on the kitchen table Crane and Viper were recapping every thing they did. Which was mostly sex...

"Well I have some good news and some bad news." Crane said with a calculator adding up all of the expenses.

"Start with the bad news." Viper said wondering how the hell the author could put them back in the Vally of peace without any real back up knowledge.

"The bad news is we spend over 10k on video games, porn sites, and weed, And now own and extra 5k to pay off expenses." Crane then told Viper the good news. "But we can make it all up if we make a porno together, here is the plot, I'm a guy who saw a gang murder and now I have to be transfered back to china to testify, but there are snakes on a plane, and thats were you come in."

"What shall we call this great porno?" Viper asked.

They said sat thinking for a few minutes before turning to each other and together both said, "Snakes on a Crane." Before giving each other a high five.

Then they walked off together wing and tail. And got married for all you Crane/Viper fans or Broke up this story kinda sucked so it really does not matter.


End file.
